


for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god

by makemelovely



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Biblical References, Character Study, Christian Character, Christianity, Gen, God - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 18:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14062443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: This job takes a lot out of you, and you never quite get it back.//or the one where April can't really breathe.





	for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god

**Author's Note:**

> title from Romans 3:23

This job takes a lot of you, and you never quite get it back.

 

April didn't believe it at first. And then disaster struck. And struck again. And again. Cristina was right; it really is Seattle Grace Mercy Death.

 

* * *

 

 

The day everything goes wrong is also the day where April has sex with someone she hasn't married. She swipes her hands across her face, and she can't tell if she's crying or not. It doesn't matter. She's in the shower, and the water streams over her.

 

Matthew looks at her, something sharp and broken and messy in his eyes. He leaves the worship room, tear tracks marking an outline on his cheeks. Arizona looks at her, exhaustion outlined in her clear blue eyes. Her lips form April's name, and it feels like a crack of lightning against her spine. She sprints away, hurriedly checking her ponytail. She needs something to cling to, okay. The one kid who attempted to cut his hand off asks about scripture, and it's like a well rising up in her throat. She can't stop the words spilling from her throat, and she doesn't want to. The kid asks what he's supposed to believe in, and April doesn't have an answer. It's the scariest thing to happen to her, _ever_. She's always had God on her side, and now she isn't sure where he is.

 

If he's even there.

 

* * *

 

 

She has a breakdown in front of the interns, and she feels stupid. It's just that, well, that it's supposed to happen for a reason. And if there's no rhyme or reason, then why should anything matter.

 

(Answer: it shouldn't.)

 

DeLuca helps her up, fingers warm against her slightly wet skin. The water hadn't quite dried when she began compressions. He asks her if she's okay, and the answer is  _no_.

 

* * *

 

 

She kisses Jackson, and he isn't kissing back. It doesn't make sense. Sure, he's doing something weird with Maggie, maybe, but he usually would kiss back. She needs him to kiss back. She needs  _him_. "April, stop." His words are icy as they wash over her, and April jerks away.

 

Her skin is burning, and she spits something out about watching Harriet.

 

Everything feels wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

"God, where are you?" April whispers at night, curled in her too big bed, all alone. Her feet are cold, and God is nowhere to be found.

 

 

 


End file.
